Week 5: Confessions of a Worry-and-Complain-a-holic

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there, With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.                                                                                                                      "After the Storm" - Mumford and Sons

Here I go again...

                   ...worry, worry, worry....

                                             ...complain, complain, complain...

                                                                    ...NOT sleep, NOT sleep, NOT sleep...

 For all your perfectionists out there, I feel as if you may be able to share my pain. This week was both a week of emotion recovery and frustration as well as physical exhaustion and break down. 

You see, coming off the presence of God is more than overwhelming - it undoes you for...well a while. Add on top of that starting to work out consistently for the first time in 2 years and you get a week of exhaustion. But the funny thing about exhaustion, it just drives you further into dependence on Him.

That's what this week was - being broken in the presence of a gracious but all powerful God, reflecting in the pain, and taking action in the hard small daily things. 

And then today, after not getting my blog post out on time, I came to a message from a sister. Her name is Sarah Roberts and she writes a blog called October Always. In her blog "God At 2 O'clock," she reminded me of the power in naming fear and distrust -- not power in the fear or the freedom from the fear but the power given when we simply and humbly come before the Maker of the Universe and surrender once again. 

So that's what I'm doing - I'm surrendering myself to the only Power that is gentle enough to heal my soul, strong enough to carry my load, and gracious enough to let me try again... 

....TOMORROW!

AFTER I FINALLY GET SOME REST!

After The Storm Lyrics

And after the storm,I run and run as the rains comeAnd I look up, I look up,on my knees and out of luck,I look up.-- Night has always pushed up dayYou must know life to see decayBut I won't rot, I won't rotNot this mind and not this heart,I won't rot.--And I took you by the handAnd we stood tall,And remembered our own land,What we lived for.

-- And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.Get over your hill and see what you find there,With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.--And now I cling to what I knewI saw exactly what was trueBut oh no more.That's why I hold,That's why I hold with all I have.That's why I hold.--I will die alone and be left there.Well I guess I'll just go home,Oh God knows where.Because death is just so full and mine so small.Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.-And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.Get over your hill and see what you find there,With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.