The expected's just the beginning, its the unexpected that will change your life...

This month has been a month of God sized dreams. All around me, I have seen God move and grow in my loved ones’ lives. I have personally been able to check TWO things of my bucklist and to make it better yet, both were because of my church. I have seen callings places – big ones no one thinks about – God-sized ones! - And the paths to bring them completion. I have had conversations that show God, wrestling with God, searching for His will, and seeking His face. 

But this isn’t to say it has come easy. Many of these stories began with pain and problems. And I’ve come out resenting God at times for the great and amazing work He’s given me, planned for me, equipped me for...

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Growing up, it was always me leaving – going away to camp by myself, taking a trip by myself, joining rec leagues by myself, leaving to go to a college by myself. And though I like to think I’ve gotten older and wiser, I can’t say I’m a 100% okay will it even being on the other side and seems how God has used it. I desperately wanted acceptance, a friend group, to just be and feel normal. To go to college to be a nurse or teacher or the coveted MRS degree, but again that was not His will. 
 

I remember a conversation with my friend our senior year. I was majoring in Political Science and she genetic biology.I asked her if she ever felt like she just had to do something; if she ever resented being called to something big. She didn’t and again I felt alone.

The next stage of life left me in a place where I was still not similar. Though people weren’t getting married and having babies, they felt it strange that that was a big desire in my heart at the young age of 23. Again, I felt alone and I resented. But this time, I rebelled. After two long years of growth and struggle, I can say I’ve come out the other side and strive to be a woman after God’s own heart.

But still I resent. I resent that I was always called to leave while others stayed. That I was going to grad school and moving across the country when my friends and sisters were married, close to home, and having kids. How I longed to be held by my Mr. Right and hold my baby. But now, now I am called to stay and everyone around me feels called to go. My career vision is domestic and everyone who has my interests feel called to go. Again, I resent.

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A good friend of mine recently said “maybe you were just meant to sit with this discomfort.” And maybe he was right....

...scratch that…he was DEFINITELY right...

(though it pains me to admit that to him…!)

Through this time of God-sized dreams being revealed and blackness of resentment in my soul, I have realized something – that it isn’t my to decide, to accept, to plan, or to even to do.

It is God's.

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So that’s my prayer –

that I stop stressing about understanding and start seeking His wisdom.

I stop resenting an unfair god and start requesting the presence of my King

I stop planning and start preparing.

 

That’s what this blog is about.

Taking the time to see the God sightings in my life – whether through a shared cup of coffee, a knowing smile, a beautiful sunset, the smile of a gracious stranger, or seeing the hand seek to serve. It may be in the perfect baby J, the cupcake someone bought, the dinner shared with friends, or the flower that finds a way to bloom in the crack of a side walk. So here’s to a new chapter of life, a new conviction to follow, and a new perspective on my daily walk.

For out of mess, God brings beauty.