progress not perfection

I will make you my promised bride forever. I will be good and fair; I will show you my live and mercy. 

  - Hosea 2:19 

 

For all its peculiarities and unevenness, the Bible has a simple story: 

God made man.  

Man rejected God. 

God won't give up until he wins him back.

God will whisper. He will shout. He will touch and tug. He will take away our burdens; he'll even take away our blessings. If there are a thousand steps between us and him, he will take all but one. But he will leave the FINAL one for us. The choice is ours.

- Please understand  -

He goal is not to make you happy. His goal is to make you his. His goal is not to get you what you want; it is to get you what you need.

A Gentle Thunder by Max Lucado

Breath. Rest. Peace.

    So I daily get a blog called (in)courage which sends member blog postings. Somedays there seems to be a theme; but most days it’s just words from women of God’s hearts. Today’s were the latter but I found a patchword of peace speaking to me through each one.

Recently I moved, I started an internship, Igot a job offer, and then I got sick. So today I have about hundred things to do and less than that amount of time to get them done. But today, I recieved the ever present message of peace from sisters.

They said:

      Just…breathe.
I don’t mean that flippantly, and it’s not passive, either.  Breathing–slowing down–requires resolve and intention…I say this again with much love and respect and as gently as I know how–every incourage post isn’t for everyone ~
        Breathe.
                 Slow down.
                         Give it time.
                                 Persevere.
In that space, it’s okay to be angry; it’s fine to want out.  But instead of acting on those negative emotions and feelings….
        Pray.
              Bathe in the word.
                      Pursue Godly council.
                             Seek to understand before you seek to be understood. 

<http://www.incourage.me/2011/08/til-death-us-do-part.html>

They said:

Women sometimes joke about feeling as if we need to be like Wonder Woman in our daily lives…Many of us also harbor a secret—one we share with only a few people. Despite our Herculean efforts, our endless giving, and our selfless devotion…they never feel like enough.

In the kingdom of God, we’re all Wonder Women.

   Life is hard sometimes—

       crazy, mixed-up, messed up.

             And there you are in the middle of it all,

just doing your thing… 

being strong and brave

and beautiful

like it’s no big deal.

 But let me tell you, girl, it is.

...Not everyone can do what you can do.

...Not everyone can handle things the way you can.

...And while you wonder sometimes if you’re doing okay…

the rest of us are just

watching in wonder.

  <http://www.incourage.me/2011/08/in-gods-heart-i-am-strong.html>

They say:

I am discovering a bit of *freedom* in the living when I stop focusing so much.

When I stop taking everything so seriously, take a deep breath and relax a little bit…

I receive Peace. I find rest.

A lot of what we experience shouldn’t affect us like it does.

     Really, it’s not his fault or her fault or their fault for our intense living.

We are responsible for our own thoughts, actions and feelings.

This is what Solomon meant when he said, “Above all else, guard your heart…” [Proverbs 4:23]

When we take it all so seriously, our hearts implode into our living.

This is the place–the thin place–where we He Lives.

Trusting that God knows better than we do is Grace to breathe.

He wants us to live in peace.
He wants us to trust Him.
He wants us to lessen the vice grip we have on life.

Because really, our days needn’t be as hard as we make them out to be.

It. [Really.] Doesn’t. Matter.

How do you get your life back after you’ve squeezed the joy out of it so hard that it suffocated?
How do you revive your living relationships that have been burned by your laser focus?

It is only in resting in His arms, in trusting that He has purpose in all (even their messes), and in choosing to lay down your worries and receive His peace.

Let go of what you’ve been clinging to a little too tightly.

Let go of the shoulds and the musts and the certainty that you know best.

Just let go.

Let yourself rest {in Grace}.

Bask in it. Bathe in it. Dive in it. Dance in it. Jump in it and splash about in it.

You might find yourself suddenly a bit exhausted and needing a nap. Take it. And when you awaken, remind yourself not to take it all so seriously.

His Grace is big enough to make purpose out of Every. Thing.

Won’t you take a step today and Trust Him…

for what He wants to do in their living,
 

and even in your living?

 

It just might save your life.

<http://www.incourage.me/2011/08/are-you-killing-your-life.html>

I guess that’s my message from God today —

    Breath…

              Rest…

                      Peace…

Peace - It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart (unkown)

The Cave - Mumford and Sons

It's empty in the valley of your heart

The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope

And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands

And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

  Cause I need freedom now

And I need to know how

To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Mumford and Sons  "The Cave"

pictures from South Africa and Milawi

Somewhere between

With new excited opportunities face me, sometimes I just want to run home to Iowa and be a little girl again. Why is that? 

                                              

                               ...Am I afraid of making the wrong descision?

                                               YES

                                     ......Am I afraid I'll fail?

                                                        YES

                                                ......Am I afraid of succeeding in an area that's not in my plan?

                                                                 YES

                             

 !?!?!?!?!!?!?!? WHY ?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!

because maybe in the deepest part of me, I just don't trust....

But the Lord commands 

"Do not be afraid" 

because

" He did not give you a spirit of fear but of POWER and LOVE and SELF-DISCIPLINE"

for

"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength"

 

(as usual someone else expresses this better than I do - Lyrics from Somewhere in the Middle by Casting Cowns)"

 -----------------------------

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

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So my challenge today... 

- BE STILL -

... to quiet the fears of MY soul so I can hear the whisperings of HIS heart

( ...........because BE is still an action verb!)

To listen to the whole of the song 

 

Prayers for Today

 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, 

so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, 

what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints,

Isn't this all our prayer? That we may know His purpose and direction in our lives and for our future?

Our lives are like this picture -- starting in a random mound of sand with a million possibilities and options. But out of the random mess comes one straight path; a path that includes on set of steps -- the Lord's!

Will you follow?

So here's the prayer for today:

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

Message in a Bottle

 The more I live, the more I see events and things as messages in bottles... 

 

      I used to think some things just happen and don’t have significance...

    ...forgetting my keys wasn’t a gentle nudge to slow down

         ...a phone call from a friend when I was busy wasn’t meant to be ignored but embraced

               ...that ministry happened with you talked about faith, not when you lived it in a radical way. 

      However, in my short 24 years of living, I know see each event as a message from God...

    

      My car getting towed from a ex-boyfriend’s I stopped in at was God saying get away. 

      My keys being by my shoes was a reminder that God’s got my back. 

     Not having peace in my situation means that there’s a peace bigger than the situation I should be seeking. 

It’s really a hopeful, peaceful thing because though we may not know the meaning or be able to open the bottle OR read what it says, or understand it just yet, we will someday! 

Today I wish you a day full of messages in bottles from your God!

The expected's just the beginning, its the unexpected that will change your life...

This month has been a month of God sized dreams. All around me, I have seen God move and grow in my loved ones’ lives. I have personally been able to check TWO things of my bucklist and to make it better yet, both were because of my church. I have seen callings places – big ones no one thinks about – God-sized ones! - And the paths to bring them completion. I have had conversations that show God, wrestling with God, searching for His will, and seeking His face. 

But this isn’t to say it has come easy. Many of these stories began with pain and problems. And I’ve come out resenting God at times for the great and amazing work He’s given me, planned for me, equipped me for...

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Growing up, it was always me leaving – going away to camp by myself, taking a trip by myself, joining rec leagues by myself, leaving to go to a college by myself. And though I like to think I’ve gotten older and wiser, I can’t say I’m a 100% okay will it even being on the other side and seems how God has used it. I desperately wanted acceptance, a friend group, to just be and feel normal. To go to college to be a nurse or teacher or the coveted MRS degree, but again that was not His will. 
 

I remember a conversation with my friend our senior year. I was majoring in Political Science and she genetic biology.I asked her if she ever felt like she just had to do something; if she ever resented being called to something big. She didn’t and again I felt alone.

The next stage of life left me in a place where I was still not similar. Though people weren’t getting married and having babies, they felt it strange that that was a big desire in my heart at the young age of 23. Again, I felt alone and I resented. But this time, I rebelled. After two long years of growth and struggle, I can say I’ve come out the other side and strive to be a woman after God’s own heart.

But still I resent. I resent that I was always called to leave while others stayed. That I was going to grad school and moving across the country when my friends and sisters were married, close to home, and having kids. How I longed to be held by my Mr. Right and hold my baby. But now, now I am called to stay and everyone around me feels called to go. My career vision is domestic and everyone who has my interests feel called to go. Again, I resent.

--------------------------------------------

A good friend of mine recently said “maybe you were just meant to sit with this discomfort.” And maybe he was right....

...scratch that…he was DEFINITELY right...

(though it pains me to admit that to him…!)

Through this time of God-sized dreams being revealed and blackness of resentment in my soul, I have realized something – that it isn’t my to decide, to accept, to plan, or to even to do.

It is God's.

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So that’s my prayer –

that I stop stressing about understanding and start seeking His wisdom.

I stop resenting an unfair god and start requesting the presence of my King

I stop planning and start preparing.

 

That’s what this blog is about.

Taking the time to see the God sightings in my life – whether through a shared cup of coffee, a knowing smile, a beautiful sunset, the smile of a gracious stranger, or seeing the hand seek to serve. It may be in the perfect baby J, the cupcake someone bought, the dinner shared with friends, or the flower that finds a way to bloom in the crack of a side walk. So here’s to a new chapter of life, a new conviction to follow, and a new perspective on my daily walk.

For out of mess, God brings beauty.